Our second anniversary is a week from tomorrow. It's crazy how fast the time has gone!
Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of extra money right now, so we're not planning to do anything gift wise (which bums me out, considering how much thought I've put into it -- maybe I'll find a way to pull something off though), and I'm just planning to cook a nice dinner for the two of us.
Anyway, I'm going to stop being a downer now and get to the good stuff -- more cotton anniversary ideas!
1.) A blank canvas. A canvas is a nice cotton gift for an artsy type.
-Bonus gift: pairing it with new paints and/or brushes.
-Double bonus gift: if you want to give an experience, you can pair the new supplies with a painting class!
2.) Cotton candy. Married to a kid at heart? Cotton candy is a fun, silly way to satisfy a sweet tooth.
-Bonus gift: You can pair the cotton candy with tickets to the state fair for a fun outing together.
-Double bonus gift: If your loved one really loves cotton candy, maybe a cotton candy machine is in order?
3.) A nice cotton dress shirt (this one is Croft and Barrow, available at Kohl's). Most people could always use a nice button down; they're classic and can be dressed up or down.
-Bonus gift: Make reservations for a nice dinner out so that he has somewhere to wear his new shirt :)
-Double bonus gift: Perhaps give a coordinating tie as well. My husband, at least, would love that -- he's a sucker for ties!
4.) A golf towel (like this one from Golfsmith). Got a golfer in your life? You can have a golf towel monogrammed for them so they always know which one is theirs.
-Bonus gift: Several courses/pro shops offer gift certificates for greens fees.
-Double bonus gift: Want to give something more? A new club might be just the ticket :)
5.) A cotton onesie (this one is from Gymboree). Expecting a little one? A cotton onesie is a fun gift for a daddy-to-be. If you haven't told him yet, it can be a cute way to announce your pregnancy.
6.) Pajamas (these Justice League pj pants are from Target). Pajamas are cozy, and I don't think I know anyone who has too many pairs.
-Bonus gift: Breakfast in bed could be a fun surprise.
-Bonus gift: Have a family slumber party! The two of you (plus any kiddos you may have) don your pjs, order a pizza, pop in a movie, and snuggle down with some blankets. Togetherness is always a fun gift :)
7.) A quilt. You can make one if you're crafty, but if you're not, you can always buy one (like this one from Target).
-Bonus gift: use the quilt as a picnic blanket, and pack a romantic picnic for two.
8.) A cotton robe (this one is from Pottery Barn). A cozy plush robe always feels nice, especially warm from the dryer.
-Bonus gift: Plan an at-home spa day!
-Bonus gift: DIY pampering not your thing? Schedule a couples' massage.
9.) A fun cozy hat (like this Stay Puft marshmallow man hat from Spencer's). My husband's a sucker for fun hats too.
-Bonus gift: Are you guys a couple of ski bunnies? Plan a trip to the slopes.
-Double bonus gift: New skis or a snowboard would surely be appreciated on the hills.
As always, no rules! Just link up and have fun!
The featured blog of the week this week is Botanical Reflections 2.0! Chela has a lot of interesting stories, especially about her bird, Mr. Tibbs!
The featured blog of the week this week is Botanical Reflections 2.0! Chela has a lot of interesting stories, especially about her bird, Mr. Tibbs!
This isn't the first time I've blogged about needing to talk about infertility, and I'm sure it won't be the last. But I want to talk about one specific facet of the infertility discussion.
I want to talk about how freaking awkward it is.
Because it IS awkward.
It's awkward for the people dealing with it. It's awkward for their loved ones. It's awkward for our society.
As a woman with infertility, I can totally vouch for the awkwardness. No matter how pro-talking about it I may be, it can be awkward to bring it up. The infertility discussion doesn't exactly perk up the mood. You don't sit around the table at Thanksgiving and say "This year, I'm thankful that I haven't completely driven myself nuts from the grief of not having a baby" when your turn finally comes.
And of course, actually bringing it up is awkward. When you do, you can see the people in the room start to get fidgety and squirm a bit. You can tell they don't know what to say and they're silently hoping to find a way to change the subject (not everyone is like this, of course, but it seems to be the general reaction). I fully believe that the main reason people react this way is because infertility is still a bit of a taboo subject. It's just something you don't talk about.
Unfortunately, when we do talk about it, the reactions can be pretty awkward too. There's always that friend who is like "Oh, just enjoy being young and childless. They're such a handful!" or when his/her child is behaving badly, "Be glad you don't have to deal with this", when you're just over here thinking I would do ANYTHING to have kids that stress me out. I have a friend like this, and I love her dearly, but she's constantly making remarks like this, and it always makes me feel really weird. I know she doesn't mean anything offensive by it, and maybe she's just trying (and failing) to make me feel better, but it hurts every time she says something like that. And I know I should probably tell her that, but then we'd both feel awkward (see? There it is again. Awkwardness is just everywhere). If you want to know more about infertility etiquette, Resolve has a great page on the subject.
But if we talk about it more, and make it more acceptable to talk about, it wouldn't be nearly as awkward. We could bring infertility awareness to the mainstream. If people are more educated about the disease (and the World Health Organization does define it as a disease), people will feel more confident discussing it. While not everyone going through infertility feels comfortable talking about it, I think more people will if we let them know that it's okay to talk about it, and I think that works the other way too. I, for one, am always willing to talk about infertility with anyone who wants to know more or know my story. Heck, I actually wish more people would ask me about it, because nobody ever does. It actually makes me kind of sad, because even though they might just be unsure how to broach the subject, it feels like they just don't care. And saying that makes me feel selfish for wanting to talk about myself. But I need to talk about it sometimes, you know? And I'm sure a lot of other infertile women feel the same way.
If you are dealing with infertility and feel comfortable talking about it, I urge you to let people know that it's okay. If you're not sure where to start, ask someone you trust if they feel comfortable talking about it with you.
If you know someone with infertility and feel comfortable talking about it, I urge you to reach out to them. Ask them if they would be okay talking about it. If they are, that's wonderful, but if they're not, don't push them; when they're ready to talk, they'll know they can talk to you.
No matter who you are, I urge you to check out the links below so you can learn more about infertility, and how you can help.
Together, we can make infertility a heck of a lot less awkward.
Infertility 101
About National Infertility Awareness Week
This gorgeous canvas featuring my handsome little Archie, that is :)
I got it from Easy Canvas Prints, and I couldn't be happier. Their prices are the best I've seen, but the quality definitely isn't lacking. Tom even said that he thinks it looks more high quality than our wedding canvas (though to be fair, this photo was taken with a much better quality camera than our wedding canvas photo). It's an absolutely stunning option for putting your photos to canvas. The ordering process was painless (just upload, pick your customizations, and you're done!), and my canvas was at my house within a week and a half of ordering. I can't wait to find my hammer (where did I put that thing?!) and start our own little gallery wall that I can't wait to add to over the years :)
Got a Wordless Wednesday post? Don't forget to link up!
I received a sample from Easy Canvas Prints for reviewing purposes. All opinions are honest and my own (well, and that one that's my husband's :)
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| Seriously -- isn't he handsome? |
I got it from Easy Canvas Prints, and I couldn't be happier. Their prices are the best I've seen, but the quality definitely isn't lacking. Tom even said that he thinks it looks more high quality than our wedding canvas (though to be fair, this photo was taken with a much better quality camera than our wedding canvas photo). It's an absolutely stunning option for putting your photos to canvas. The ordering process was painless (just upload, pick your customizations, and you're done!), and my canvas was at my house within a week and a half of ordering. I can't wait to find my hammer (where did I put that thing?!) and start our own little gallery wall that I can't wait to add to over the years :)
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| It looks good no matter how far you are from it! |
Got a Wordless Wednesday post? Don't forget to link up!
I received a sample from Easy Canvas Prints for reviewing purposes. All opinions are honest and my own (well, and that one that's my husband's :)
Infertility is the breast cancer of our generation -- nobody wants to talk about it. It's not often addressed in movies or television, or when it is, it's in a completely unrealistic way. To continue my infertility posts in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I've put together a list of TV shows and movies that portray infertility realistically, as well as celebrities who have struggled with infertility (though, of course, this isn't a comprehensive list -- there are a lot of shows, movies, and celebrities dealing with infertility).
(And just to be clear, I'm not claiming ownership over any of these photos -- I don't spend my life stalking celebrities)
Celebrities with Infertility
-Giuliana Rancic is probably the first person a lot of people think about when you think about celebrities with infertility, as she documented her struggle on her reality show, Giuliana & Bill. The couple began trying to conceive in 2009, and began IVF in March 2010. Giuliana got pregnant that spring, but suffered a miscarriage. They tried IVF again in November, but it didn't take. While prepping for their third round of IVF, Giuliana was diagnosed with breast cancer. They had some of her eggs retrieved, and found a gestational carrier. They welcomed son Edward Duke in August 2012
I think by being open about her infertility and letting the public see everything they've gone through, Giuliana has been such an important part of making infertility a less taboo subject.
-Elizabeth Banks and her husband spent years trying to have a baby, undergoing multiple fertility treatments without success. The couple has gone on to have sons Felix and Magnus, both via gestational surrogate.
-Courteney Cox, like her character Monica Geller Bing, had trouble having a natural pregnancy. After she suffered multiple miscarriages, she underwent IVF successfully, and she and ex David Arquette are the proud parents of daughter Coco.
-Brooke Shields underwent seven rounds of IVF to get pregnant with oldest daughter Rowan, while her younger daughter Grier was conceived naturally. Not only do I commend her for being open about her infertility, but for speaking openly about her bout with post-partum depression as well. These are subjects that need to be okay to talk about!
-Nicole Kidman first became a mother in the early 90s, when she and then husband Tom Cruise adopted daughter Isabella and son Connor. After marrying Keith Urban, she gave birth to daughter Sunday Rose, and they later had daughter Faith via surrogate. She has said that in her efforts to expand her family over the years, she has had an ectopic pregnancy, mulitple miscarriages, and fertility treatments.
-Hugh Jackman and his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, adopted two children after multiple miscarriages.
-Celine Dion welcomed son Rene-Charles in 2001 after several years of tying unsuccessfully to conceive (including miscarriage and fertility treatments) and undergoing IVF. In 2010, she gave birth to twins after six rounds of IVF.
-Mariah Carey had trouble conceiving, and after a miscarriage, was put on progesterone both before conceiving and during her pregnancy with twins Monroe and Moroccan.
-Khloe Kardashian has famously been struggling to conceive throughout her marriage to Lamar Odom. After consulting a fertility specialist, she learns that she doesn't ovulate (having the same issue, I empathize) and her uterine lining isn't thick enough to support implantation (she was prescribed pills to remedy this). As awful as infertility is (and trust me, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy), I think that Khloe is good for bringing more awareness. She's honest about her struggle, doesn't try to sugarcoat anything, and remains positive, even though she's been trying to have a baby for over three years.
Infertility in Movies
-Cynthia & Jason, Couples Retreat
Admittedly, I have not seen this movie yet, but I know the basic premise. Jason and Cynthia have gone through multiple failed attempts to conceive, and their marriage is on the verge of collapse. They tell their friends that as a last attempt to save their marriage and avoid divorce, they are planning to go to a couples therapy resort. That's as far into it as I'm going to get, since I haven't seen the movie and the rest of what I do know is irrelevant. The reason I included this is because infertility is something that truly can rip a marriage apart. Infertility is not easy at all, and (in my personal experience, anyway), men and women go through it and deal with it differently. As stressful as infertility is on the individual, it's important to remember that it's stressful on the couple as well. You're facing this together, not alone, so make sure to rely on one another.
-Ellie & Carl, Up
Infertility is tackled in the first few minutes of this animated film, and boy, do those minutes pack a wallop of emotion (and without saying a word!). Carl and Ellie meet as children, grow up and get married, and want to expand their family. The next thing you know, Ellie is sobbing in the doctor's office, having been told that she can't have children (and possibly that she has suffered a miscarriage as well, since they had been putting together a nursery).
Ellie is deeply affected by the news, and spends her days sitting in silence, seeming to have lost her joie de vivre (and I've definitely been there a couple of times through my own infertility struggle). When Carl shows her the adventure book she had been keeping since childhood, it reminds her that having a baby was not her only dream, and the two of them are shown to have a happy, loving life, even without a child.
It's seriously probably the most tear-inducing five minutes you will ever watch in your life.
Infertility in Television
-Meredith Grey & Derek Shepherd, Grey's Anatomy
After having a miscarriage in the middle of a hospital shooting, Meredith learns that she has a "hostile uterus". They undergo fertility drugs (including Derek administering a shot in Meredith's butt while in the elevator at work). They go through heartbreak after heartbreak, with no pregnancy, and it's only exacerbated when Callie gets pregnant from a one-night fling with Mark. Meredith's jealousy is something that I think most infertile women (and definitely I!) can identify with. When Callie and Arizona are in a wreck, and Callie (and therefore the baby) are endangered, Meredith feels guilty over her previous feelings.
Eventually, Mer and Der decide to adopt Zola, an African orphan receiving treatment at the hospital. After some bumps in the road, Zola is officially part of the Grey-Shepherd family, and Meredith is (surprise!) currently pregnant with a boy (which is maybe the thing that bothers me about this storyline. I'm thrilled that she was able to conceive -- as I hope I will, one day -- but everybody has a story like "Well so and so adopted, and then BOOM, she was pregnant!". It just seems so trite, and almost like a stereotype, if that makes sense).
-Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother
Robin's story is a little different than most. She knew that she didn't want to have children. Then she found out that she couldn't. As she tells the story to the kids she never had, she admits that she is glad they don't exist. So you may be wondering why I put her on the list. Even though Robin did not want children, she mourned her infertility because it took the choice away from her. And that's what infertility does to ANYONE it affects. I am child-free, but it's not my choice. If I had a choice, I'd know what it's like to have a healthy pregnancy and the joy of being a mother. Though Robin had lead a child-free life by choice, the choice was no longer hers to make (and yes, adoption, IVF, etc. are always an option, but we're just talking traditional pregnancy here), and THAT is what bothered her. I think that's an important thing to remember. And on top of that, Ted went on to say that although she never became a mother, she led a full, happy life without children, which is also something important to show.
-Frank Jr. & Alice, Friends
-Monica & Chandler, Friends
This was probably my first real introduction to infertility. I've been a die-hard Friends fan since I was a little kid (it was actually my favorite show for quite some time, and still one of my all-time faves). In "The One With The Fertility Test", Monica and Chandler head go have fertility tests done after a year of unsuccessfully trying to conceive. While they remain hopeful, they learn that Chandler's sperm has low motility and Monica's uterus is an inhospitable environment, so they are unlikely to conceive naturally.
In "The One With The Donor", the doctor explains their options to them, and they seem to like the idea of a sperm donor. Chandler thinks he knows the perfect guy, so he brings him home so Monica can decide how she feels about him. He seems perfect, but ultimately, Monica decides that she doesn't want to have a biological baby with anyone but Chandler, and they decide to adopt. They eventually end up adopting twins (a surprise to them, but a pleasant surprise!). Granted, all of this happens much more quickly than it usually does in real life, but the pain and the process are all realistic enough (to me, anyway) to be included on this list.
The absolute best part (for me, anyway, and other than when they bring home the twins) is when Chandler is trying to convince the birth mother, Erica, to let them adopt her baby. He tells her, "My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving, and devoted, and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right. I love my wife more than anything in the world. And I...it kills me that I can't give her a baby. I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife...she's already there. She's a mother...without a baby. Please?"
I can't watch that episode without bawling. Heck, I got a little teary-eyed just typing it.
Have any of these celebrities/characters changed the way you see infertility? Have they helped you become more aware of what infertility is and what it's like?
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, so there will definitely be some infertility-related posts on the blog this week! I figured this would be a good place to start, since I have some newer readers who aren't familiar with my journey to become a mother.
I'd like to preface this by saying that even though the title is My Infertility Timeline, Tom is obviously affected as well. The only reason I put "my" is because my body is the one that doesn't work right. I just want to make sure that nobody thinks I'm trying to downplay how this affects him, because it's definitely been really difficult for him as well.
And, as with a lot of my infertility-related posts, there might be some overshares. If you don't want to hear about my sex life, this is not the post for you.
July 2010
-I get my first Depo-Provera injection
The previous month, Tom and I had lost our virginity to one another and were moving in together in August, so I wanted to make sure that I always had birth control covered (I didn't want kids until after we were married). I had previously taken birth control pills to help regulate my ridiculously heinous periods, but I would sometimes forget to take them. That's not a huge deal when you're not having sex, but it makes it very unreliable when you are. A Depo injection lasted for three months, and I didn't have to worry about it every day, so it seemed like the perfect solution. I was told that it could take up to a year to get my period back after going off of it, but I was okay with that, especially after a co-worker told me that her friend got pregnant two weeks after going off (I was so much more naive back then, eh?). I had done some research before getting it, and it said that prolonged use (like 2+ years) could lead to infertility, so I figured less than a year's worth of shots wasn't going to do anything negative.
That obviously turned out well.
October 2010
-I get my second (and final) Depo-Provera injection
January 2011
-We have a (kind of) pregnancy scare
I know, it sounds crazy since I was on Depo. In my defense, the shot was wearing off, and I was suddenly nauseous all the time (and had some headaches, which I hardly ever get). I took a test, and when it was negative, I was really sad. I actually cried. I couldn't believe how upset I was. Our first great-nephew (yes, you read that right) had just been born like the week before, so I don't know if that had something to do with it. We had planned on starting to try on our wedding night four months later, so I opted to not get a third shot so that the hormones could start working their way out.
March 2011
-We decide to start trying to conceive
I don't remember what prompted this discussion, but somehow, we started talking about how badly we both wanted to be parents, and decided that we didn't want to wait until May to start trying.
April 2011
-I had a period
It was weird, because it lasted four days, and then came back for three days a week later, but I was bleeding again, and I took it as a good sign. Unfortunately, I didn't see it for a long time after that.
September 2011
-I got a positive pregnancy test
Three times, actually. I figured that we were lucky enough to catch my first ovulation, since my period had been MIA for months. We were completely ecstatic, and couldn't help but tell everyone.
October 2011
-We find out that I was having a hysterical pregnancy
At the doctor, urine tests were negative. Blood work was negative for pregnancy as well as diabetes and a thyroid problem, which the doctor had suspected might be causing all my symptoms. I was diagnosed as having a hysterical pregnancy, and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I was sad, angry, embarrassed, ashamed, confused -- there were just so many feelings and thoughts swirling around, and it affected me in a really negative way. The doctor prescribed provera, which gave me two short periods in November and one in December before it stopped working. She also tells me if I continue to have trouble conceiving, we could try clomid.
March 2012
-We hit the one year mark, and I still don't have a period that occurs on its own
I remained hopeful that it will come soon, and became even more active on The Bump message boards than I had been over the past year.
September 2012
-I reflect on what life is like a year after getting a positive pregnancy test
-I begin taking vitex to try to bring about a period
After the depo, and then the provera, I was awfully wary of putting more synthetic hormones in my body (which is also why I haven't tried clomid yet), and decided to explore natural options. I also started getting on The Bump less and less; so many girls were getting their BFPs, and it was getting too depressing for me.
October 2012
-I get a period!
November 2012
-I get a four day period, followed by another four day period two weeks later. I begin thinking that my body might actually be regulating!
December 2012
-No period. I'm devestated, but decide to give myself another month (without vitex) to see if it returns.
January 2013
-I have my worst period ever
And for me, that's saying something. As a teen, my periods were crazy heavy, and ridiculously long (my longest was 27 days, and I averaged 15). My mom wanted me on birth control to help, but my dad and stepmom felt differently, and it didn't get dealt with until I was 18 and in college. This one wasn't quite as long (almost two weeks though!), but it was SO SO SO heavy. Like, at times bleeding through a tampon and two overnight pads in two hours heavy. And then I was sick on top of it. It was absolutely miserable, and I even had cramps for the first time in a decade (as awful as my periods had been as a teen, I was lucky enough to only get cramps twice, though both times they were so bad I couldn't walk).
February 2013
-I have a nice, normal period
March 2013
-I don't get a period, and wonder if I might actually be pregnant
I had a lot of symptoms, and thought I saw a super faint line on one of the tests I took (and had dark pink lines appear after the time limit. It was my fault for looking after ten minutes though -- MAJOR NO-NO!). But tests were negative and my sore boobs went away, though I still get nauseous (but that's normal for me over the past year or so, I've noticed).
April 2013
-We decide to take a TTC break
So that brings us up to now. I'm giving myself another couple of weeks or so to see if I get a period back before trying the vitex again, but I decided last week that I want to take a break from the stress of TTC, and Tom's fine with that. Truth be told, we're not in a good place financially, and that's stressful enough without the added stress of TTC. If it happens while we're not trying, that would be awesome, but I'm not going to obsess over possible ovulation dates and basal body temperatures, and the state of my cervical fluid (which I check pretty much every time I wipe, even though mine has proven to be crazy unreliable). I want more than anyting to be a mother, but I just need to take some time to regroup.
It has been a long, tiring, grief-filled, confusing, rollercoaster of a journey, and it's obviously far from over, but I'm definitely not done with it yet. I hope that if any of you are dealing with infertility, that you'll be able to share your story with others this week to help raise awareness (though if you can't bring yourself to discuss your struggles with others yet, I completely understand and respect that -- it's not exactly an easy thing to talk about).
Related Posts
I'd like to preface this by saying that even though the title is My Infertility Timeline, Tom is obviously affected as well. The only reason I put "my" is because my body is the one that doesn't work right. I just want to make sure that nobody thinks I'm trying to downplay how this affects him, because it's definitely been really difficult for him as well.
And, as with a lot of my infertility-related posts, there might be some overshares. If you don't want to hear about my sex life, this is not the post for you.
July 2010
-I get my first Depo-Provera injection
The previous month, Tom and I had lost our virginity to one another and were moving in together in August, so I wanted to make sure that I always had birth control covered (I didn't want kids until after we were married). I had previously taken birth control pills to help regulate my ridiculously heinous periods, but I would sometimes forget to take them. That's not a huge deal when you're not having sex, but it makes it very unreliable when you are. A Depo injection lasted for three months, and I didn't have to worry about it every day, so it seemed like the perfect solution. I was told that it could take up to a year to get my period back after going off of it, but I was okay with that, especially after a co-worker told me that her friend got pregnant two weeks after going off (I was so much more naive back then, eh?). I had done some research before getting it, and it said that prolonged use (like 2+ years) could lead to infertility, so I figured less than a year's worth of shots wasn't going to do anything negative.
That obviously turned out well.
October 2010
-I get my second (and final) Depo-Provera injection
January 2011
-We have a (kind of) pregnancy scare
I know, it sounds crazy since I was on Depo. In my defense, the shot was wearing off, and I was suddenly nauseous all the time (and had some headaches, which I hardly ever get). I took a test, and when it was negative, I was really sad. I actually cried. I couldn't believe how upset I was. Our first great-nephew (yes, you read that right) had just been born like the week before, so I don't know if that had something to do with it. We had planned on starting to try on our wedding night four months later, so I opted to not get a third shot so that the hormones could start working their way out.
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| me and Avery on the day he was born |
March 2011
-We decide to start trying to conceive
I don't remember what prompted this discussion, but somehow, we started talking about how badly we both wanted to be parents, and decided that we didn't want to wait until May to start trying.
April 2011
-I had a period
It was weird, because it lasted four days, and then came back for three days a week later, but I was bleeding again, and I took it as a good sign. Unfortunately, I didn't see it for a long time after that.
September 2011
-I got a positive pregnancy test
Three times, actually. I figured that we were lucky enough to catch my first ovulation, since my period had been MIA for months. We were completely ecstatic, and couldn't help but tell everyone.
October 2011
-We find out that I was having a hysterical pregnancy
At the doctor, urine tests were negative. Blood work was negative for pregnancy as well as diabetes and a thyroid problem, which the doctor had suspected might be causing all my symptoms. I was diagnosed as having a hysterical pregnancy, and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I was sad, angry, embarrassed, ashamed, confused -- there were just so many feelings and thoughts swirling around, and it affected me in a really negative way. The doctor prescribed provera, which gave me two short periods in November and one in December before it stopped working. She also tells me if I continue to have trouble conceiving, we could try clomid.
March 2012
-We hit the one year mark, and I still don't have a period that occurs on its own
I remained hopeful that it will come soon, and became even more active on The Bump message boards than I had been over the past year.
September 2012
-I reflect on what life is like a year after getting a positive pregnancy test
-I begin taking vitex to try to bring about a period
After the depo, and then the provera, I was awfully wary of putting more synthetic hormones in my body (which is also why I haven't tried clomid yet), and decided to explore natural options. I also started getting on The Bump less and less; so many girls were getting their BFPs, and it was getting too depressing for me.
October 2012
-I get a period!
November 2012
-I get a four day period, followed by another four day period two weeks later. I begin thinking that my body might actually be regulating!
December 2012
-No period. I'm devestated, but decide to give myself another month (without vitex) to see if it returns.
January 2013
-I have my worst period ever
And for me, that's saying something. As a teen, my periods were crazy heavy, and ridiculously long (my longest was 27 days, and I averaged 15). My mom wanted me on birth control to help, but my dad and stepmom felt differently, and it didn't get dealt with until I was 18 and in college. This one wasn't quite as long (almost two weeks though!), but it was SO SO SO heavy. Like, at times bleeding through a tampon and two overnight pads in two hours heavy. And then I was sick on top of it. It was absolutely miserable, and I even had cramps for the first time in a decade (as awful as my periods had been as a teen, I was lucky enough to only get cramps twice, though both times they were so bad I couldn't walk).
February 2013
-I have a nice, normal period
March 2013
-I don't get a period, and wonder if I might actually be pregnant
I had a lot of symptoms, and thought I saw a super faint line on one of the tests I took (and had dark pink lines appear after the time limit. It was my fault for looking after ten minutes though -- MAJOR NO-NO!). But tests were negative and my sore boobs went away, though I still get nauseous (but that's normal for me over the past year or so, I've noticed).
April 2013
-We decide to take a TTC break
So that brings us up to now. I'm giving myself another couple of weeks or so to see if I get a period back before trying the vitex again, but I decided last week that I want to take a break from the stress of TTC, and Tom's fine with that. Truth be told, we're not in a good place financially, and that's stressful enough without the added stress of TTC. If it happens while we're not trying, that would be awesome, but I'm not going to obsess over possible ovulation dates and basal body temperatures, and the state of my cervical fluid (which I check pretty much every time I wipe, even though mine has proven to be crazy unreliable). I want more than anyting to be a mother, but I just need to take some time to regroup.
It has been a long, tiring, grief-filled, confusing, rollercoaster of a journey, and it's obviously far from over, but I'm definitely not done with it yet. I hope that if any of you are dealing with infertility, that you'll be able to share your story with others this week to help raise awareness (though if you can't bring yourself to discuss your struggles with others yet, I completely understand and respect that -- it's not exactly an easy thing to talk about).
Related Posts
Welcome to the Lazy Sunday hop! This is a no rules blog and social media hop -- just link up, check out some other blogs, and make some new friends!
This week's featured blog is The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles!
This week's featured blog is The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles!
That's how long it took me to (mostly) run a mile last night.
I say mostly, because I did have to take a few walking breaks, but I did actually run (albeit at times slowly) for 12 minutes of that 15:42.
Now this might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but to me, it's pretty freaking big.
If you would have told any of my gym teachers in school that I ran most of a mile (and did it in under twenty minutes), they probably would have laughed in your face (well except Mr. Bates -- man, he was HOT). I have never really been particularly athletic. I took dance as a toddler (I wanted to continue, but unfortunately that didn't happen), did volleyball and cheerleading in later elementary, and played softball and baseball for several years, but I'm just not an athletic person. My parents aren't particularly athletic (though they are both amazing artists, but I didn't inherit those genes either), and I've been at least a little overweight for pretty much as long as I can remember, but though I loved playing tag and riding my bike, I always preferred intellectual pursuits over athletics (like the summer I read the dictionary up through "E").
When the Presidential Fitness Test would come around, the only thing I ever did well was the sit and reach (because despite the fact that I'm a BIG girl, I've always been pretty flexible). Shuttle run? Not great, but not the worst. Sit-ups? Terrible. Pull-ups? Absolutely abysmal; I've never been able to do one. And when it came to the mile, I would run in short spurts, but walk almost the entire thing (I was never last though -- there was always someone slower, even when I was pulling in 22+ minute miles). So the fact that I not only ran almost all of it, but did it in 15:42? That makes me feel proud of myself.
For so long, I've wanted to be a runner. I just didn't think I really could. I mean, I weigh almost 300 pounds, I've spent my entire life trying to avoid running, and I was kind of too terrified to really try.
But now, I feel empowered. I know if I keep at it, I'll be running like I've been dreaming of. And though I'm not very fast, and I didn't run the whole mile, what I accomplished last night makes me feel like I've earned the title of runner.
I am a runner.
I never thought I'd be able to say it, but I'm really looking forward to being able to continue proving that it's true :)
Jennifer Aniston always seems to look effortlessly put together, both chic and comfortable at the same time. I'm really loving this look for spring. The monochromatic palette seems fresh, and the entire outfit just looks really comfortable. You can't go wrong with boyfriend jeans and sneakers!
What's your favorite piece? I'm seriously eyeing those jeans! They look so comfortable!
What's your favorite piece? I'm seriously eyeing those jeans! They look so comfortable!
A shot of the beautiful little courtyard/walkway between the Westin and the Simon building, as seen from the Sagamore wing of the Indiana Convention Center. Loving the blossoming trees!
If you have a Wordless Wednesday post, feel free to link up!
P.S. There's still one day left to enter the Conscious Box giveaway!
If you have a Wordless Wednesday post, feel free to link up!
P.S. There's still one day left to enter the Conscious Box giveaway!
I know I have Must Have Mondays to talk about things I like, but I want to talk about some of them now with a little feature called Currently (called such because these are current things that are relevant to my daily life right now, not necessarily just things I like but don't get to experience).
Reading: A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
I'm a HUGE fan of the show, though I haven't been able to catch up on the current season due to an unfortunate lack of HBO. I've had this book on hold for months (I would just buy it, but I'm broke, yo), so I was SO excited to finally get the chance to read it. And it doesn't disappoint. I can't wait to finish it and make my way through the series!
Drinking: Lucky Duck Moscato
This is the first bottle of wine that I've purchased in almost two years, and the only reason I did so was that it was under $4 (cheap wine is pretty much the only wine I've ever had -- I've never paid more than $10 for a bottle because, again, I'm broke, yo). It's not the best Moscato I've ever had (it's not quite as sweet as I'd like), but it's not terrible, and for $3.97, I'm not complaining.
Reminiscing About: my IAEYC Conference trip
As pathetic as it sounds, this was the closest thing I've had to a vacation since I spent a couple of days in Chicago with my girlfriends in 2011. I'm still dreaming of plush hotel beds (not to mention not having two people -- and sometimes a dog -- crammed into a full-sized bed). Hopefully the cards will work out for us to take SOME kind of trip this year, because Disney, unfortunately, is off :(
And don't forget -- you still have two days to enter the Conscious Box giveaway!
Reading: A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
I'm a HUGE fan of the show, though I haven't been able to catch up on the current season due to an unfortunate lack of HBO. I've had this book on hold for months (I would just buy it, but I'm broke, yo), so I was SO excited to finally get the chance to read it. And it doesn't disappoint. I can't wait to finish it and make my way through the series!
Drinking: Lucky Duck Moscato
This is the first bottle of wine that I've purchased in almost two years, and the only reason I did so was that it was under $4 (cheap wine is pretty much the only wine I've ever had -- I've never paid more than $10 for a bottle because, again, I'm broke, yo). It's not the best Moscato I've ever had (it's not quite as sweet as I'd like), but it's not terrible, and for $3.97, I'm not complaining.
Reminiscing About: my IAEYC Conference trip
As pathetic as it sounds, this was the closest thing I've had to a vacation since I spent a couple of days in Chicago with my girlfriends in 2011. I'm still dreaming of plush hotel beds (not to mention not having two people -- and sometimes a dog -- crammed into a full-sized bed). Hopefully the cards will work out for us to take SOME kind of trip this year, because Disney, unfortunately, is off :(
And don't forget -- you still have two days to enter the Conscious Box giveaway!
