Third Time's A Charm

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Kind of, at least.

I got news last week that I actually ovulated this cycle! It was my fourth cycle since my diagnosis, but since one of those cycles was spent only on Metformin, this was my third cycle on Clomid (and my second with Clomid and Metformin combined). This was my first cycle at 150mg, however, and apparently that was what my ovaries needed to function properly.

Seriously, how beautiful is that jump?

So this cycle was the first cycle in which I might actually stand a chance of being pregnant. And for several days, I thought I was. And while it's possible that I might still be, I'm not so sure I believe it anymore.

Sunday, I got a positive pregnancy test. The second line was definitely there and definitely pink. However, I didn't see this line until after the time limit was up (within half an hour, but definitely past the ten minute mark). As such, it can't really be believed. However, in case it was actually legit, I requested a blood test, because I want to be sure before I start my next round of Clomid. The doctor must have thought that it sounded somewhat legit though, because he was concerned when I mentioned that I was cramping and spotting. I'm going in for my blood work today, and hopefully I will have the results by tomorrow.

I've been going through a lot of emotions in regards to this situation, and that, combined with a few other events, have made the past few days extremely stressful. I am very thankful to have a loving, supportive husband, friends who have my back, a mom I can vent to about anything, and my sweet furbabies, who always sense when I need some love and surround me with snuggles. I'd be completely insane otherwise.

I don't exactly know what I'm feeling right now. Weird is the only way to describe it. Like I said, I don't think I'm pregnant, but even if I'm right, I'll still be a little disappointed; however, now that we have apparently found the solution to my ovulation issue, I can always be hopeful that next month will be my month. If I am pregnant, I'm worried that I might not be for much longer. Unfortunately, the thought of miscarrying has been looming in my head for quite some time, and it terrifies me. It would be absolutely devastating to finally become pregnant, only to have to say goodbye before I even get to say hello. There was a time a few years ago when we thought I had a chemical pregnancy, but my positive test had ended up being an evaporation line (is it just me, or do I have abysmal luck with pregnancy tests?). I feel like a miscarriage would break me.

No matter what happens, I'll get through it, one way or another.

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