I Have No Hustle

Monday, July 20, 2015

My father is a born salesman (you'd know that if you've spent thirty seconds with him), but it's pretty clear upon meeting me that I did not inherit that skill set.

Unfortunately, this kind of makes me bad at being in charge of my own business.

I don't like putting myself out there. In fact, I'm kind of terrified of putting myself out there (as evidenced by the fact that all of my photography clients have been people I know or people who are close with people I know).

I'm afraid of failure.

I'm afraid I'm not good enough.

I'm afraid that people won't be happy with what I give them. I even have photographer friends that I've never shown my work to because I think their work is so much better than mine and I couldn't possibly compare.

Sometimes I'll look at one of my photos and think, "You know what? I'm actually kind of good", but most of the time, I get pretty discouraged about things. I often don't have faith in myself or my abilities, and I think that comes across in how I conduct myself in a business sense.
a photo I love
I know that this is something I'm going to have to work on. Some days I feel like I'm making improvements, but other days I just find myself wondering why I even try.

It's been that way with the blog sometimes too.

There was a time when I was super concerned with trying to be blog famous. It took me awhile to realize that was never going to happen, and that was okay. So now I just kind of post what I want, when I want, but there are days when I wonder why I keep going. When I started posting more sporadically, I lost a LOT of readers. My stats are pretty low these days. And sometimes, even though I'm not trying to be blog famous anymore, that can be discouraging. It's like, why am I writing if nobody reads it?

But I write for myself.

This blog has been a wonderful outlet for me. I have a venue to talk about things that interest me, but it also is a place where I can release what's on my heart and/or mind. And there have been a few times that women who have gone through similar fertility struggles have reached out and told me that it's helped them to read my thoughts on my own infertility. And to me, that makes it worth it to keep on keeping on. I can apply that to my photography too. Though I may not drum up a lot of business (which is my fault...I hope), I love some of the photographs I have been able to capture.

And maybe, just maybe, someday I'll see my own worth as a creative and stop standing in my own way.

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  1. Hi, I read your whole story. It gives me motivation to keep struggling, cause I feel just like you sometimes, in my case I study and love English, so there are days on which I feel quite confident and I think I'm doing fine, but others I feel as if I knew nothing. Thank you for sharing your story, best regards!!

    1. Confidence can be such a tricky thing. Sometimes it's there in spades, and other times it feels like you never had any to begin with. Thank you for sharing your story with me, and please keep studying, even when it feels difficult! Studying languages can be a lot of fun, but it can definitely be excruciatingly hard (especially English, which basically makes no sense). Keep it up!



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