The Loneliness of Infertility

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

I'm at an age where most of my friends are getting pregnant, sometimes for the second, third, or even fourth time. I'm happy for them -- having a child is an amazing thing, and I know they will all be great parents! However, I've been having a little nagging selfish thought in my head too.

It sounds absolutely terrible (trust me, I know), but I wish I had a close friend who was going through the same thing I am.

Obviously, I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, not even someone I couldn't stand, because it's absolutely crushing in pretty much any sense of the word. But even my friends who have struggled with infertility are pregnant or have already had a child. I do have some friends who have struggled or are struggling with secondary infertility, and I know that must be awful as well. There's still a loss there, even though there is already at least one child. But the problem is, I can't really relate that well to them, because even if it took awhile to get the first child, they still HAD their first child.

And I haven't.

Again, I know it's completely awful and selfish, but it would be so nice to be close with someone who is also struggling with not being able to get pregnant. Someone who still may never get to experience pregnancy. Someone who may never get to experience giving birth to their child.

Don't get me wrong; I am excited about fostering and eventually adopting (I just want to be a mom!), but I'm not sure I'll ever be fully over my infertility. I'm just feeling a little disconnected right now, I guess.

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